Saturday, August 23, 2014

The Butterfly in me... finding my purpose


Chomp! Chomp! I moved few inches ahead,
Chomp! Chomp! I ask my self where am I going...
Chomp! Chomp! I seem to be getting nowhere by wondering for a purpose...
Wandering almost every day - searching for a no purpose!
Chomp! Chomp! I continue to feed on as I still wander in my search...

Waking up every day; even before the first rays of the sun knock on my eyelids...
I ask - "Is this the purpose of my life?", or sometimes... "Is there a purpose for my life?"
While it seems as if I make a daily progress... a few inches ahead!
I still wonder -Is this is the right direction?"
Move I may in any direction - I still hog - Chomp! Chomp! Chomp! Chomp!

Ages of this purposeless wandering has gotten me to believe-
It  is this that is the purpose - Chomp! Chomp! Chomp! Chomp!
There is something in there that tells me - "IT CAN'T BE"... or may be "IT IS"!

But still, I continue my search.... may be there are answers at the end of the day...
A doubt lingering in my ears - "What if you have accepted this to be the answer very quickly?"

The Chomping seems to have got the better of me...
The feeding has bloats me, and more so my ego - "I am the biggest guy around, don't you see?:
My moves slow down almost saying - "there is no more of you I can carry"
But having identified with my ego can I still go Chomp! Chomp! Chomp! Chomp!

From the edge of my eyes I see others like me - chomping a longer than me
The doubt lingers in again - "May be there is where it all ends?"
May be - they know where they want to go...
May be - they would get bigger than me...
May be...

I slowly see myself change - I no longer move ahead...
I intend to move now - not to Chomp! but to find a purpose that is beyond Chomp!
But here I am - not moving...It is almost like life has come to a stand still
In my own world I feel this is my destiny -
"There is no more a direction, no hunger, no purpose"
Looking back, I ask - "Was there something that I could have done different?"
Answers there are many, but I move no more... to act and change...
I am now folded into a cocoon...

Lying in here... 
Nothing of the world interests me, I am bound to this tree... I have all the time in the world to think...
This is possibly where He wanted me to be...
but I still ask myself - is this the purpose of me...
No rationale can help me find peace, when I haven't understood the purpose to be,
Living off my fat from the chomps I had the Only energy I now have is to ask myself -
I wonder - Is there any greater purpose in life? What if I don't find a purpose in life? I have to make peace with my past - find a rationale that helps me pace peace...
I just hope I had a second chance....

I try to move - but there is not much of a space -
my cocoon is all the space I have,
I fear tearing it for the fear of not knowing my purpose
and being lost again only to think of chomping as my life's purpose.
my thoughts are now tiered of thinking about accepting the fate...
I see I need some thing more to do...

The turbulence in my mind, doesn't let me rest in peace,
The curiosity wants me to catch up with life... I know...
There is a world outside this cocoon that covers me...
I have waited long, in here, with no motion and almost no action...
I wish had wings to fly... Fly I will and explore the world

The wings of hope strengthen with each day I stay here...
It is as if I am only eager to fly... not walk any more!
But wasn't it the slow walk that allowed me to chomp as much as I wanted?
May be I should just wait for the cocoon to disappear and begin walking again...

But no! wait I feel there is something I haven't got yet!...
Walk I will only on this terrain, fly I will over different terrains....
I would rather try flying and failing than just waiting here in this cocoon...
After all, life is meant to be experiencing different things!

Isn't the Cocoon is really my creation?
Does it really exist? or, Is it me who thinks it exists?
It possibly is my imagination and not the cocoon that is holding me in here...
I have to challenge my limits....a struggle is ensured...
But I will fight, It is better than having just accepted the action less life here...

After days of struggle, I see the cocoon slowly giving in,
I see a faint light from the out trying to enter my eyes...
Its such a pleasure to see what I had been so long waiting for...
may be its time to push my wings and break it open...
hold on I no longer can... I want to fly not walk any more... I am so excited...

As my wings tear open the cocoon...
I feel the mild wind fluttering through my wings...
I just open them up and... lo! I am off from my cocoon...

The cocoon that so long bound me...
The cocoon that gave me time to look beyond my immediate...
The cocoon that strengthened by wings...
The cocoon is now gone... no more  it exists...
The legs that helped me walk - are only my resting pads...

I am no more of what I was... But, I am now a free butterfly
not chomping any more, but extracting the nectar from any beautiful flower I see...
I feel free - almost unbound!

I still haven't found a purpose, but I feel free...
I still find nothing in the goal, but the process of freedom that gives me the strength to go...
Its in enabling others realize their aspirations that I realize my purpose...
Being a part of converting the potential to performance... is where my beauty comes from,
My beautiful wings now have a beautiful purpose...
May be I simply allow them realize their purpose..That is what makes me free...

- Chi
[Pc: the internet I have given the link to the actual source for those who are interested in finding it out :)]

11 comments:

Tanvi said...

Beautiful, profound and inspiring. I simply loved it. Awesome Sachi! :)

Sachidananda Benegal said...

Thanks Tanvi :) feeling encouraged :)

Anonymous said...

good one

Siva R said...

Deep... and so true and relevant.. finding a meaning through helping others try and find a meaning... Very nice Sachi

what's in a name said...

Indeed, Sachi.. May be some of us serve the purpose of wandering to show the guiding light to others and remind them of their purpose - may be some of us have to lose ourselves so that others can find themselves - may be some of us are born to be "the tuning fork".. after all, not all who wander are lost :D
Thanks a lot for sharing this, kano..

Unknown said...

Awesome, Sachi. Guess you got inspired by your experience @NSRCEL and how you moved on to become a beautiful butterfly.

Naveen said...

Cool Sachi. Ninna experience du ondu recap aagide anista ide :)

Parisarapremi said...

English alli navya kaavya.. sakkataagide ree.. :)

babu said...

Good One Sirji

Bond (not james bond) said...

Thoroughly enjoyed it, Sachi :)

Unknown said...

Beautifully written. I can relate to it, with particular reference to my FPM days. Every day was a struggle!